Well then, since that's out of the way...

Finally, Christmas is over as of pretty much right now, 11:00 PM. 1 more hour.

Better yet, my Christmas was over at 6:00 PM.

Yes!

I hate Christmas, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I was excited at first this year, because I was going to see all my family I haven't seen in years.

Well, I saw them alright, but it went awful.

Basically, my entire family is disappointed in me and pretty much all have been for the past year or so. Really only because of mistakes I have made in the past, and now that it is over with, they still don't forget it. Which they should.

During dinners of last night and tonight, it was constant nagging about my hair cut, the fact that I dropped out of school, the fact that I can't get a job. They all think I'm going to be a fucking bum.

And then my Dad tells me how fucking disappointed he is, and says that I am nothing but a liar and will end up a crack head like my Ma.

So, basically, Christmas leads to a lot of family bullshit that I really really fucking hate.

Christmas is Soon

I'm not even excited anymore, honestly.
Christmas used to be so awesome, everybody I know is looking forward to it because they get free stuff, big deal.

I got 250 dollars for an early gift, I mentioned that.
That's down to 115 dollars, all spent towards weed, food, and music shit so far.

The rest of it is probably going towards local shows (music), and booze for them. Always gotta be drunk at punk shows, must say, makes them a lot better. Love that shit.

On Thursday I am going to my Aunt's place, so I guess that means I'll be getting more money, because nobody really buys actual gifts once you reach your teenage years, they know I want shit they can't buy me.

The shitty thing is, now that I'm single partying is not a great thing anymore, I mean, it's awesome drinking with my brotherhood and shit, and raising hell all the time, but I loved drinking with a girlfriend, made me feel good. Ya know.

Whatever.

Upcoming shows I am going to are:

December 26th, Bloodwork is playing a show at a small venue here, just a local band. Check them out though. www.myspace.com/bloodwork100

On January 2nd, I am going to a punk show, same venue, 2 local punk bands and one from Saskatoon. All Saskatchewan punk which is cool.

Check out the one band Clusterfucks, this is a vid of their first show at a bar here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YWFj4gU-ag

Thanks, update ya all soon.

Woo, early Xmas.

Alright, so, I had an early Christmas last night, only because my step sister was in town, she lives in Vancouver, BC. and came to visit us while she had vacation time with work.

I didn't get much, I got a little book for a son I guess, saying all this shit that people wrote about how precious sons are and shit, it's kinda like a bunch of poetry in a book, except quotes about sons... Whatever.

Then I got some deoderant, woohoo! And 250 dollars, which I have no idea what to spend on. I owe 60 dollars to a friend that I'm going to pay back, so that leaves me with 190 dollars, so, I'm gonna spend it wisely I figure, I'm looking forward to something good.

I went to an NA Meeting with my Ma on Tuesday and it went pretty good, lots of people were glad to see a young man like myself their with his Ma.

Mum's off to Calgary right now to see a guy she met in rehab, although she told everybody she was going somewhere else, we know what she's up to, nobody's fooled.
Oh well.

I'm looking forward to a lot of things and right now life's pretty grand.
I've been sober for about a week, but I'm not trying to quit doing drugs, I plan on getting high tonight haha.

Uh, I don't have much else to say. My mum seems to be doing well with staying sober, I made her watch Requiem For A Dream last night with the family and me and shit, but she left to go to bed before it showed all the gory shit and how the drugs fuck up lives, I hope she didn't see the movie as a trigger to make her want to snort some blow again, because then I'm to blame eh?
Eh. Whatever.

I'll write soon, I'm at a loss of shit to say.

- Boobs

It's Friday.

Big fucking deal right?
Yeah.

My mom's out today, so, I think I get to see her, it's a long drive from Lloydminster to Regina, but she's on her way today, if not today I'll see her tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited.

I might be dying with cancer or a bleeding stomach. I have decided to go to the doctor if it gets worse, if it does not, I see no reason to go.

I'm pretty much at a loss of things to say, haha.

I don't know what to do this weekend, I want to do something fun but it cost money to have fun lately, and I'm poor as hell.

Well what is this?

I figured I might as well make a blog speak my mind, post whatever the fuck I want because that is what this is for right? It's a blog.

I'll be updating this as often as I update my NG news posts, or maybe even more, and share this with Newgrounds everytime it is updated, via my news posts.

I am currently thinking of whether or not to hitch-hike in the summer to Vancouver, BC. I have some family and friends that I would like to visit there, and also some things I would like to check out.

I was talking tonight with a friend of my ex-girlfriend and she wants to go there too after a rave near by the city here, so her and I may be going together (that means I get to fuck her, ha) and with whoever else would be interested in coming.

My mum is out of rehab on Friday, that's tomorrow technically, seeing as right now here it is nearly 3:40 AM. I'm very excited for her to be coming home, and I am really hoping she comes out a much better person. I know things are going to be very different with our lives, and I'm hoping everything works out the way she wants.

She wrote a letter to herself as a thing in rehab, and mailed me it. It's a very interesting note about her feelings towards herself and other shit, and I kind of wouldn't mind sharing it, just to give people a feeling of what cocaine can make you think of yourself

"Dear Leslee,

This is your last week at Thorpe Recover Centre. Remember how you felt the day you came in to this wonderful place on Nov 9th. You were full of problems, sadness, confusion, shame, guilt, and self-hate.

A miracle happened in your heart and soul during your stay at Thorpe. The problems you had that seemed so big are either gone or put into perspective, with the gift of the Serenity Prayer you now have the courage to make changes and the other problems will soon be gone as well.

The sadness that you felt in your heart has been replaced with laughter. The confusion in your head has been replaced with organized thoughts and feelings. You have been freed from your shame and guilt, you have put it all in God's hands now.

The most beautiful miracle of all Leslee is during your stay at Thorpe you found true love. You have never felt true love before and you found it in yourself. You don't hate yourself anymore, you love yourself and it is forever. It feels so good. No one can ever take that love away from you.

You were never able to be in a relationship where you were truly happy in truly in love with a man. It was impossible for you because you couldn't love anyone without loving yourself first. Now it is possible for you to have a loving relationship filled with serenity.

Leslee, you will continue to grow and get stronger. Life will become more beautiful and peaceful every day. Always remember what you learned and how your life changed while you were at Thorpe. Take care of the wonderful person you become and have faith in yourself."

So that's that, I'm really happy to read that and know that she actually has faith in herself rather than the last time she tried rehab.

She took off a week in to it last time, and this time she last the full 5 weeks or however long it was.